This Crazy Idea...

March Madness

2010-03-21T19:57:00.002-05:00

I was a cheerleader in high school, but I've never been a really big fan of basketball. I'm more of a football gal. So it amazes me every year - the talk of Cinderella teams, folks arranging their schedule around a game, and team colors flown from flag poles all around.

Nevertheless, it is something to bring us out of the winter slumber, and I'm all for that! The daffodils and crocus bring some color during a time of chills, rain, and yet - the promise of spring.

What is bringing a little color to your winter?

Green Beer - and other odd things

2010-03-17T10:26:00.002-05:00

Nothing against St. Patrick or his day, but green beer? Really? At any rate it tastes the same, so I'm good.

It is a good thing to have stuff to celebrate. Whether it be the patron saint of engineers, a new relationship, a couple of pounds off the scale - all these things are little or not so little reminders of the positive things in life. By adding a party, a reward, a celebration, a reason to get out with friends, we add even more value to our triumphs and milestones.

What are you celebrating?

Suicide in the Spotlight

2010-03-14T18:02:00.003-05:00

Marie Osmond's son apparently killed himself. Amazingly, many Americans noticed - but only because Michael's mom was famous.

Are we paying enough attention to those we love? What about the neighbor next door? If we inject a little bit of energy ahead of time, can we thwart an attempt? I'm not saying that this is a solution to the world's problems, but caring goes a long way.

In a CNN article on suicide (http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/03/11/save.friend.suicide/index.html), the author talks about how friends can help. Alexis more describes how her co-worker, "Ed", saved her life just by stopping by because he was worried about all the troubles she was facing.

There's a popular bumper sticker that says "practice random acts of kindness". It might save someone's life!

Spring Cleaning

2010-03-12T20:13:00.002-06:00

Clear out the cobwebs, dust off the thoughts, get rid of the strange ads attached to my posts...

Perhaps it is time to come back to the crazy idea.

Feelings, Actions, and Characters - Oh My!

2009-04-23T20:20:00.003-05:00

How do you know when the way you feel is based upon a "real" interpretation of an experience or if it is colored by your mental illness?

If I take that thought a bit further, what does it mean if you act upon those feelings? Are the actions real or some representation of true self?

As time goes on, and you develop behaviors based on these feelings, does this become your character?

Can reflection, therapy, etc. get you back to your true character?

It Has Been A While

2009-04-06T20:04:00.003-05:00

Its been a while since I felt engaged at work, since I felt confident in my body, since my mother called me.

Its been a while since I drove a fun sexy car. Its been a while since my doggie really jumped and bounced around. Its been a while since someone told me I was beautiful.

Its been a while since I was married. It has been a while since I went to church. Its been a while since I played the piano.

What haven't you felt or done in a while? How does it make you feel?

KISS - Keep it Simple (Stupid)

2009-03-15T20:12:00.002-05:00

I need more kisses - the traditional kind and the application of simplicity in life.

My grandma reminds me every Sunday when we talk on the phone that the world is getting too wrapped up in itself. That we all need more time rocking on the porch, drinking a root beer and chatting it up with our neighbors over the hedge. She's on to something...

Many of us are "linked" electronically all over the place - crackberries, cell phones, Internet, blogs, and IM. But are we connected emotionally? Physically? Do we share energy or just electrons?

The price I pay is a sense of being in my own little world - which leads to loneliness. It's just too easy to type a note rather than stop by. But the hard way is more rewarding for my spirit.

The Waiting Game

2009-02-17T19:46:00.002-06:00

Patience is not my strong suit. Most of my dad's side of the family is completely lacking in the skill. :-)

Lately, I've had to wait for a man to be ready to date me, for test results regarding a tumor (negative, thank you), and I'm still waiting to find out if I landed a new job...

Those who are wise and possess patience tell me that eventually I'll learn. Over time, I'll mellow and cease to fuss over the little stuff. (Apparently it's all little stuff). My parents knew this trait of me at a very young age. They gave me a painted "prayer rock". It said "God grant me patience - and I want it NOW!". I'm still waiting...

Without delving into a psych class, I think patience and anxiety are related. Do you agree?

Deconfliction

2009-02-16T20:13:00.003-06:00

Lately I've been noticing in the public news as well as bloggerland that the "concensus" seems to be that depression and allowing our mental illnesses to exist and progress without drug interference is the way to go. (Obviously this cannot apply in cases of harm to others / self). We should use therapy, yoga, healthy eating, exercise, counceling from pastors / priests, and the like.

At the same time, however, we are told and taught to be self reliant, independent, and strong.

Riddle me this - how in the world does one take six months to recover from depression or whatever malady one might have? If you are the breadwinner, and others are dependent upon you, can you afford to cry or mope your way through 8 hours everyday? Most likely your performance would suffer and you would be fired. Let's assume that you are not the breadwinner; perhaps you are the caregiver to children or family. How can you effectively guide, teach or care in a compromised mental state?

I agree in concept that it is best to take time to work through our challenges. For many folks, however, it's not an option - unless state care sounds good.

Can these opposing requirements / expectations be deconflicted?

"Agency" - and not because you are a star!

2009-02-05T21:05:00.002-06:00

I continue to be inspired by the writing of others. It is interesting to me how a word can have new meanings based on the context.

Dr. Jon Allen of the Menninger Clinic (www.menningerclinic.com) writes about Agency in regards to taking charge and responsibility for mental illness. Rather than riding the curve of medications or doing what the state or friends or doctors tell you to do, you decide to be in charge of your future. You select what treatments are meaningful, you are patient with yourself and your caregivers, you put as much energy as possible into your recovery. Interestingly enough, sometimes you don't have enough power or awareness to exercise agency. And so you wait until the time comes.

My forms of agency are yoga, acupuncture, support of friends, an active career, meditation, therapy, and journaling. What is your agency?

CNN Article on the Mind

2009-01-26T19:49:00.002-06:00

A study of 222 women (why no men?) showed that we will adapt our behavior in order to "fit in". This includes things that were objectively incorrect, just so that we could be along with the majority.

I'm not sure we needed a study to figure this out. Anyone who has been involved in politics, seen 5 year olds decide what game to play, or flipped through a fashion magazine can draw the same conclusion.

Of interest to me was the fact that portions of the brain that reacted in these peer pressure situations were fear and anxiety. Dr. Gregory Burns says that "our brains are exquisitely turned to what other people think about us...."

Is this perhaps the root of stigma?

Experiments in Love

2009-01-15T20:47:00.003-06:00

I can't afford my annual spa vacation, so I will have to settle for reading articles by the places I'd like to visit.

Kripalu's catalog has always been a good source for making me think, and the Spring version is no different. A staff member recalls the speaking of Swami Kripalu on the subject of love in 1980. It was encouraging in that it reminds us all to be fools for love and as sentimental as possible. Unfortunately the wages of this love include pain. He asserts that there are three windows to love - openness, patience, and surrender.

I quickly realized that I have no patience and am very unwilling to surrender to another due to trust issues. But I wonder - could another person's experiment of love break through my walls?

Doing The Math

2009-01-11T17:31:00.003-06:00

Here's what I know I need in order to stay well:

8 - 10 hours of sleep every night
30 minutes (morning and night) to walk the dog
30 minutes for each meal
1.5 hours of yoga
30 minutes of cardio
30 minutes to meditate
30 minutes to journal
60 minutes to tidy, prep meals, read mail, pay bills, etc.
45 minutes to get ready each morning (shower, hair, dress)

Worst case scenario, that adds up to about 16 hours a day. Who has time to work, let alone go grocery shopping, see the doctor, or volunteer?

I'm On Break

2009-01-06T20:08:00.001-06:00

More soon...

Relationships Make Us Happy

2009-01-04T17:35:00.003-06:00

Ok, so maybe you don't need to be a PhD to figure that one out, but then again, maybe you do!

I'm reading the book by Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar called "Happier". This positive psychology guru shares with us the secrets to happiness - after boring us to death with definitions, hamburger analogies (seriously), and a reminder that money does not influence one's state of happiness.

I'm now to the chapter about happiness in relationships. Ironically, he talks about how to find happiness in relationships, but not about how to find meaningful relationships in the first place. Is this something that we all intrinsically know? Is it obvious to everyone but me? Perhaps its already a topic of other books?

How do you seek and establish relationships - love or otherwise?

Gene Variants Impact Antidepressants?

2009-01-01T15:44:00.002-06:00

I was reading a work publication for wellness put out by the Mayo Clinic. Dr. David Mrazek describes a common problem for those suffering from depression - finding the right medication. An interesting observation: "Some people have gene variants that interfere with their ability to respond to certain antidepressants."

Aha! An explanation for what patients and caretakers have known for a while. It sucks to wait to find the right medicine while you are sick.

The test is called Cytochrome P450 genotype analysis and it helps the pros understand how your body metabolizes certain meds. Certainly worth talking to your doctor about if you are in the "finding one" mode...

"Loving Someone with Bi-Polar Disorder"

2008-12-27T20:42:00.002-06:00

I read the subject book by Fast / Preston over the last couple of days. My parents had purchased the book to try and understand what I experience.

I was shocked at how hurtful and hard to love I am. As I read the book from the perspective of a family member or lover I realized why my dog is the only person who can put up with me for extended periods of time. Many of my behaviors that I had attributed to someone else, or to the situation, or to my "nature" were actually bi-polar characteristics.

And so I am withdrawing to think, to contemplate, to understand. I have so much to learn.

Winds of Change

2008-12-20T20:52:00.002-06:00

Outside my wind chimes are tinkling away in the blustery current; the other alto bars are more slow and melodic. I've read that the solstice is a time of death in order to bring new life. The snows, the winds, the bitter cold are all meant to bring about a "low" so that a true "high" can appear in the spring. Another analogy is dark to light - hence our candles at this dark time of the year.

Interestingly enough, it appears that my winter comes not with the seasons of Mother Nature; rather with the seasons of my brain and emotions. I cannot dispute the fact that the holidays often line up with a particularly wintery part of my usual year. I have tried to rationalize it on occasion but this has been a rather fruitless activity; rather I must accept and move if I can.

Do emotions have their seasons as well? What drives them, if not Mother Nature?

Is it normal?

2008-12-16T20:59:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I went to the gym. My mind has been acting strangely, so I thought a good workout would be valuable.

I was listening to Enya on my iPod, working up a sweat on the treadmill, when I saw a scene playing out on the TVs broadcasting on the wall in front of me. I have investigated to find out it was the show "Sarah Connor Chronicles" on Fox.

A woman was laying on the bathroom floor; she had cut her wrists and was barely conscious. A man broke in the room, swooped her up, and whispered tenderly in her ear. He held her wrists and appeared to promise to care for her.

At first I thought I was infatuated with the aspect of suicide. Rather, it was the rescue, the open vulnerability, the care that appealed to me.

Is that normal?

My Angels and Demons

2008-12-14T19:02:00.002-06:00

"Kill all my demons, and my angels might die too." ~ Tennessee Williams

Yesterday I watched the movie Transsiberian, and the character Jessie threw out the above quote. While pounding it out on the elliptical machine at the gym today, I realized that what seemed to be a simple reminder to her husband to butt out of her smoking habit was really a hint at the comedy and tragedy of the human existence.

I have often felt that minus my struggle with depression, I might cease to exist. It's probably not true, but because it is such a strong force it can overshadow anything else in my environment. The quote probably also reminds me of why we often hold onto things for way, way too long. It is easier to go with what we know than to let go, jump into the unknown, and see what happens. Probably leads us to trust and faith...

What / who are your demons?

Angels Among Us...

2008-12-12T21:48:00.002-06:00

No matter what your spiritual or religious persuasion, perhaps you might agree that there are moments in life when you know that someone is looking out for you.

I've met a few angels in my life, and just "felt" others. The amazing butterfly affect has come to me directly sometimes - my anonymous friend who sends flowers at just the right moment, my sister's laugh to remind me that only one of us can be crazy at a time, my puppy dog. Tonight, I met an unexpected angel. A person who, at first glance, would appear to be unassuming, the type to fly under the radar. And yet through conversation he proved to be an angel in his own right.

Who are your angels? Are you being still enough in your body and mind to appreciate them?

Woo Hoo! My 100th Post!

2008-12-07T17:54:00.002-06:00

***Spoiler Alert***
"The Boy in the Striped Pajamas"

Wow. That movie caught me and held me. And the twist at the end - amazing. It was a beautiful illustration of how a child's mind can open doors, open minds, and open eyes.

In yoga, and in other Eastern practices, we strive to achieve a child's mind. Being completely in the present, forgiving totally, and taking each and every experience and person at face value. What a wonderful gift to present oneself free and clear on a daily basis. Even more important than the lesson of a child's mind, was that of true friendship. To go all the way, trusting in one's own heart, holding hands the whole way.

Mourning the Non-Existant

2008-12-05T21:11:00.002-06:00

During my meditation today my mind led me to the holes - the "missing" places, spots, and corners where a void had formed. Over time, I hope to fill the holes with self awareness and joy. But the time has not yet come.

I have a hole where my marriage used to be. There is another alcove for the loss of some childhood happiness. A wee spot reminds me constantly that my family is not near me. My illness has spaces throughout, woven near some of the other places and seemingly spreading to encroach on energetic places.

The chi of my mind is indeed stuck and captured. Perhaps if I apply the feng shui principles (or a parallel) to my brain as I have to key spaces in my home...

"Old" News on Dying Young?

2008-12-03T20:04:00.002-06:00

At lunch I like to scan the web for a bit of news. I can't watch TV because I don't get to pick what story comes next. :-) While surfing today I came across an article by Kate Torgovnick for Time. As it turns out, this news has been around for a while, but it is new to me.

She wrote about a study published a couple of years ago which asserts that those with serious mental illness die an average of 25 years earlier then the general population. My goodness! Really? Here's the link so you can read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1863220,00.html

A quote that bothered me quite particularly was "...people with serious mental illness tend to be low on the socioeconomic totem pole...." Ouch. I guess the good side of news articles like this is that awareness is raised in the general population and among medical professionals. A girl can dream, right?

In the meantime, I think I need to hit the gym.

My Thanks Giving List

2008-12-01T20:14:00.002-06:00

My dog, who continues to bring me joy in her old age
For the person who sends me flowers without signing, at just the right moments
SSA, who never fail to tell me they love me and show it in ways only they can
Football on the HD TV, fire in the fireplace, and a brewski in my hand
My "Charlie Brown" Christmas tree filled with hideous but handmade ornaments
Sitcoms
Chanel No. 5
Power of prayer
Good work, good pay
Friends and family

Enough already!

2008-11-23T19:11:00.002-06:00

To the stores, the malls, the public at large:

Please, please let me enjoy one holiday at a time. I let it slide when we had Halloween when school started, and then Thanksgiving before the Halloween candy was distributed. But this, this terrible "skipping" of Thanksgiving so that the Christmas sales can begin...

Can't we all live more in the present?

Shouldn't we take the time to be thankful?

Tired, Not Weak

2008-11-20T22:54:00.000-06:00

I had dinner with a colleague last night. We spent most of the time talking about things in his life, which was a delight because my own adventures were hardly worth discussing. :-)

As we parted ways, he wished me well. I asked him to think positive thoughts for me as I have been feeling weak. He pointed out that perhaps my position is one of being tired, instead. Tired in the sense of emotionally drained and exhausted. Not the same as the kind of tired where you need to sleep for a good 10 hours and then all is well...

The word "weak" creeps into my vocabulary when I begin to feel hopeless. When I can't pick my head up for another day of battle, I feel weak. It comes from hearing when I was younger that sometimes you just have to "tough it out". What's the opposite of tough? Weak.

And so, in my quiet and not-so-quiet moments, I feel tired. I seek an external energy source but deep down I know that it must come from within. But where?

"Old Soul"

2008-11-19T16:54:00.002-06:00

I've been told I have an "old soul". The person who granted me this unofficial title explained that her interpretation is that some folks are born wise and hardened and beaten through trials and tribulations. Old souls have suffered enough to know how to celebrate.

As I reflected upon this concept a few things came to mind. First of all, I think that people who put energy and time into self-examination have a greater inclination to developing an old soul. If you couple an old soul with a light or young heart, it's a good combination! It struck me that all of my life, I have sensed a bit of mental maturity beyond my years. I have been (for the most part) an overachiever, a sensitive person, "ahead of my time", and so on and so on. So perhaps my old soul missed or skipped childhood. Quite a loss, really.

Do you have an "old soul"? What do you think the positive and negative aspects are of this inclination?

How Low Can You Go?

2008-11-16T17:21:00.002-06:00

I used to love to roller skate as a kid. The local rink had "open skates" on Saturdays so my sister and I would get a drop off from mom and enjoy the music and sugar. Couples skates were my favorite, but a near second was the Limbo dance.

For those who may have missed out on the phenomenon, its a dance were two people hold a stick and the dancers go under the stick single file. The stick is lowered each round and people are eliminated for touching the stick or falling down. Eventually one person remains, and is the winner.

I was thinking earlier today that the past 3 years or so have been a bit of a limbo dance. Not only in terms of the metaphorical (who am I, what am I doing, where am I going), but in terms of the literal - each round I have to go lower and lower without touching the stick or falling on the ground.

What is the dance of your life right now?

Decisions, Decisions

2008-11-11T21:08:00.002-06:00

It's really amazing when we stop to think about the amount of choices we have in the span of any given day. Here's some that I went through today:

Snooze or get up?
Hair up or down?
Umbrella or raincoat?
Tell or keep it to myself?
Accept the job assignment or not?
Buy the chips or stick to the diet?
Humor my mind or numb it?

"Mindful decision making" is a class that I took at Miraval a few years ago. How do we assess a situation and do it in a healthy way? We might think to apply this strategy and approach when we are choosing whether or not to move to a new city, but the concept is just as valid for the "mundane" things we address in humble moments.

Which mindful decisions are you facing?

The Gift

2008-11-10T17:38:00.004-06:00

I read a really interesting article by Stephen Cope of Kripalu (http://www.kripalu.org/) about our human gifts (published in Kripalu's Winter edition, pages 50-52). This is not referring to diamonds or photo frames - rather the gifts that we as individuals possess. Depending on your background, you may refer to the gift as a calling, dharma, destiny, your dream(s), and the like.

There are three important observations Cope makes about the gift. First, the gift requires effort and practice - one doesn't simply "arrive" at full execution of the gift. It is nurtured and honed and developed over time. Second, the gift may come with or be related to a significant wound. It might be physical or emotional suffering; perhaps it is a struggle that seems inescapable. But the wound may translate into the wisdom to use the gift well. Finally, actualization of self with the gift comes at a sacrifice. The sacrifice might be the wound, or the giving up of material goods, or maybe even the trade of one passion for another.

Do you believe we all have gifts? What is your gift?

Power to the People!

2008-11-09T18:43:00.002-06:00

In 2008 I was nominated to participate in a truly unique program. A group of women leaders from across the state were exposed to issues facing people of all types and sorts. Each quarter we 30 or so got together in a different section of the state and studied and learned and expanded our minds.

Together we discussed race relations, poverty, the criminal justice system, state politics, biotechnology, food vs. fuel...the list goes on. During these sessions we bonded and became a strong group of women willing to not only help each other, but those around us as well.

And then came the challenge. What are we going to do about all the things we saw? What would we change? Would we change it as individuals or as a group?

You can imagine that my passion for a retreat, a respite, was fueled strongly by this event. Unlike other forums, this group supported my concept adamantly. After all, how can we possibly be amazing women and men unless we take care of ourselves?

Disconnected on Election Day

2008-11-04T20:48:00.002-06:00

Yes, I voted today, and I hope you did too. It's one of our wonderful responsibilities as Americans. Two hours waiting in line is a small price to pay for the opportunities.

I couldn't help but think today that while it was very clear to me which way I'd like our nation to head, and who should be its leader, I struggled with my own direction. There are three goals that I strive toward, and yet the road less traveled appears to be my path.

First, I would like to have a love relationship. I've tried Match, eHarmony, etc - but no success so far. They always say it happens when you least expect it. I've lowered my expectations to next to nothing, and yet...

My next goal is to find kindred spirits for friendship with whom I can share my life. Where are they? I don't know. I continue to hope that by sharing more of me and giving to others, I can meet those supportive of my diagnosis.

Finally, I'm looking forward to figuring out how I can help others and answer the calling that has come to me as a vocation.

Where Have I Been?

2008-11-02T19:42:00.002-06:00

...wandering aimlessly inside my mind
...writing a book, my memoir, a guide for those functioning with mental illness
...trying to date
...struggling with killer mood swings
...learning how to share better with friends
...meandering back to church (sort of)
...trying out some new doctors
...bonding with my parents
...wishing I was more fit

Where have you been?

Happy Birthday, America!

2008-07-06T19:02:00.002-05:00

I hope that everyone found a favorite way to celebrate - fireworks, fairs, grilling, picnics...

Unobtainium

2008-06-30T20:31:00.002-05:00

I doubt that I can claim to have created this word myself; most likely I heard it at work.

Unobtainium is a rare element that cannot be achieved in most environments. Here are some examples to further my definition: a sumo wrestler wearing size 32 waist pants; winning a Nobel Prize in Physics when you are a dog trainer; or losing 30 pounds in a day.

I have been struggling lately with balancing unobtainium and an eager, positive, aggressive outlook. Obviously life is going to teach me some lessons to keep me in line...

The Fog is Rollin' In

2008-06-26T21:54:00.000-05:00

I suppose this posting would be most appropriate in the spring or fall, since that's when one is most likely to encounter fog in these parts...

But I'm talking about my mind, of course, and its the best way I can describe how the mood change and energy level are impacted. Over the past couple of weeks I have been having trouble sleeping, fraught with dreams; waking up has been a challenge to say the least. Unlike the past, I am trying some caffeine in the morning to get going.

Work has been presenting a new challenge with a return to long hours, and that does not appear to be helping keep the fog away. Frustration doesn't begin to describe when I know that I need my mind sharp to solve these problems.

This weekend I will be focusing on clearing out some of the clutter in my mind and my condo. Lunch with a dear friend and quality time napping by the pool should help as well.

To Tell Or Not To Tell

2008-06-24T19:55:00.002-05:00

An interesting article was published in the New York Times in February. Author Lisa Belkin wrote about the topic of whether or not to tell your employer about an illness. The undercurrent of the Americans with Disabilities Act was unmistakable.

All of the personal accounts appeared to be a success; each case was a physical condition. I wonder if the story would have been different with a mix of physical and mental disabilities...

One of the sufferers shares that it is safer to keep our conditions a secret as a long as possible. Probably true - but what about the support system we might gain from our co-workers? If we continue to take the path of least risk, how are we advancing awareness and understanding?

I have chosen to share selectively. It has bitten me on occasion. But overall, I think that my colleagues are benefiting from learning.

If you have a debilitating condition, have you shared? What was the result?

A Rare Endorsement

2008-06-21T20:54:00.002-05:00

As this blog has gained visibility, I've received quite a few interesting e-mails. Most folks want me as an "online opinion leader" (whoa!) to review products or promote other sites. In each case I have declined the offer, because my blog has a defined purpose.

I have come across an exception. There is no product, but the website has a valuable mission that I strongly support. Please check out www.everyminute.org, where the goal is to prevent suicide (1500 attempts per day!) and raise awareness politically and socially about mental illness. Its about time. Literally.

Won't you consider signing the declaration?

Work / Life / Dream Balance

2008-02-19T22:05:00.000-06:00

You've probably heard quite a bit about work / life balance. How do we ensure we are spending enough time with family and prioritizing our work properly? Its hard. Each of us has different factors that affect our time decisions - children, pets, hobbies, dreams...

Lately I've been busy trying to be successful in my work, make my dream happen, and (take a deep breath) participate actively in a relationship. Whew! All the time management skills in the world aren't enough to eek out another few minutes.

My previous plan of attack might have been to put work first, SoulScape second, and the relationship third. Not anymore. Relationships have my full attention now, whether its my boyfriend, family, or friends. I feel that if I focus on people, the rest will fall into place.

What are your strategies for balancing all of the wonderful opportunities in your life?

...and the Pursuit of Happiness

2008-02-12T19:34:00.000-06:00

Maybe its just me, but lately I've been overwhelmed by the volume of stuff about being happy. Everything from self-help articles, to Presidential candidate promises, to sermons at church...it seems never-ending. I begin to think that I am a freak because I'm not running around showering everyone with flower petals. :-)

Today I stumbled across a good article on happiness - finally, a bit of balance and the healthy view! You can find it at www.newsweek.com and its titled "Happiness: Enough Already" by Sharon Begley. Please give it a read. I think that it advocates SoulScape retreat and taking time to move through our emotions rather than jumping straight into happy pills.

What do you think about the value of sadness?

Thank You!

2008-02-11T21:57:00.000-06:00

Thanks to the folks at Wegohealth for honoring this blog as a preferred website. And the members of that community have been so supportive of SoulScape - it gave me a much needed injection of energy!

Samantha - your story touched me. And it reminded me of why this blog, SoulScape, and the retreat are so important. We must support one another. I wish you all the best and can't wait to welcome you to the retreat.

Ashley - great ideas! I hope that you will stay in touch.

A Fork in the Road

2008-01-20T22:51:00.000-06:00

On Friday I signed the papers for SoulScape, and the lawyer's assistant asked me what the company was going to do. I described it to her and she looked at me like I was crazy - ha! I guess I'd better get used to that response. Or I better sharpen my "elevator speech" skills...

Recently I saw the quote about leaping in faith, knowing that the next step will appear. It intrigued me because each time I read that quote before I was thinking of emotional leaps of faith. Here, I am faced with a monetary leap of faith and I know that the time is approaching when the decision about SoulScape and my current employer must be made. Pretty scary stuff since I am admittedly a material person who doesn't manage her money fantastically. (Don't worry, I'll hire a professional for SoulScape!).

Have you ever experienced such a fork in the road? How did you handle the decision? What decision did you make?

Sensitive Holidays

2008-01-01T20:41:00.000-06:00

The holidays can be a particularly hard time for those who are going through a difficult time or suffering with a mental illness. The stigma seems even stronger as we all watch happy rich people with diamonds, cars, and expensive perfume dance and kiss on the TV and in our communities.

I received the following in an email - which I'm sure was meant in jest or a light tone - but what an amazing negative message it gives! Its called "Christmas Carols and Disorders".

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells....
11. Oppositional Defiant Disorder-- You better not cry - Oh yes I will
You better not Shout - I can if I want to
You better not pout - Can if I want to
I'm telling you why - Not listening
Santa Claus is coming to town - No he's not!!

First, I laughed. Then, I felt ashamed that I had laughed. Then I wondered what other people might think of me for laughing -- or not laughing. If I was in a professional's office and heard the staff giggling about it, I would be hurt. I have decided that my reaction was really the very definition of stigma.

Welcome to SoulScape, LLC!

2007-12-11T20:30:00.000-06:00

Words are few at this moment, because this feels like a big step. But I do offer my thanks to those who have provided support!

Latest Status

2007-12-09T19:30:00.000-06:00

My business plan is nearly complete. A key portion is missing - the market analysis. For this I need some professional help. I'm therefore looking for my angel to fund a good analysis.

This week "this crazy idea" will probably be incorporated into an LLC. Amazing. When it happens I'll be sure to share the name I've chosen. Rubber meets the road...

All is Quiet on the Midwestern Front

2007-11-06T21:21:00.000-06:00

My idea has taken a bit of a back seat lately. I can't help others until a few things are straightened out.

But, the concept is ever on my mind, and I am patiently waiting for the universe to tell me what's next. Ok, maybe not so patiently...

From "Being" by Dr. Alice Lee-Bloem

2007-10-22T12:05:00.000-05:00

I received this article and found it so lovely I had to share it with you. Kudos to Dr. Bloem!

On Teachers and Students
In school, we understand that good teachers are invaluable for facilitating understanding. Students who truly want to learn will go to great lengths to learn from these teachers. For wisdom is priceless and more valuable than knowledge, and good teachers are a well of wisdom.

In life, we have good teachers that are invaluable for facilitating understanding. Students who truly want to learn will go to great lengths to learn from the best teachers. For wisdom is priceless and more valuable than knowledge, and good teachers are a well of wisdom.

The mystery of Life's Teachers is that these teachers are both invisible and visible, seemingly haphazard yet simultaneously precise and calculated. One does not go up to a good teacher in life, tap the teacher on the shoulder, and request to be enrolled. Life's Teachers come to you and in the fog of your forgetfulness, you fail to recognize their presence.

I learn from one of life's best teachers: mental illness. My patients and I are students who learn from this teacher day in and day out. I believe that to be a student of this teacher, you must be among the elite.
But even among the elite, there are those who will succeed in learning and those who will not. The lessons that this teacher teaches are beyond difficult, they make the challenges of olympians look like child's play--for there is no greater fear than losing one's self, and no greater challenge than finding one's Self--for the self of the body and the Self of the soul are not the same. It is the difference between being lost and being found.
Being a successful student of life requires something both insubstantial and substantial. It's hard to say when a person enters life's classroom whether he or she would be able to master the challenges or not. With mental illness as one's teacher, the price is even more demanding. Will one have to pay with an arm or a leg? Will one need to surrender one's job or one's honor? What will be required to win wisdom from mental illness?

Over the years, I have come to see how patients and doctors succeed or fail in their lessons. I am moved by the magnificence of my patients as they master lesson after lesson, gathering wisdom as they learn and not knowing how truly breathtakingly brave they are. Mental illness asks that students master the following basics of life's lessons:

1. Understanding that one's Self is more than physical matter. The mind is understood as something like a radio, a receiver and translator, but not the whole Being. Sometimes this radio stops working or receives the wrong messages, but it does not mean that the essence of one's Self has changed or disappeared. To value and even love one's life as a state of being beyond physical matter is an opportunity given to each student of mental illness.

2. Humility. Mental illness and the stigma associated with such an experience allow for an opportunity to grow in humility. The acceptance of humility not as a mantle that one takes on and off, but rather as an essential quality of self is the greatest and hardest of lessons to master. Humility is an essential quality to development and growth. For before one reaches out for greater wisdom, there is an awareness of one's own ignorance. Before the awareness of one's own ignorance, there is humility.

3. Fortitude. Disappointment, suffering, and loss allow for the practice of courage and strength to gather oneself up from the ashes and to rebuild a life shattered by illness. Fortitude is a quality in every one of my successful patients who overcome their illness and maintain wellness. They overcome through sheer persistance and dogged work. They do not give up.

4. Compassion. It is natural to be self-absorbed and judgmental of others. Without being challenged, there is no motivation to change from this state of being. Under the intense challenges given to all who suffer from mental illness, there is the opportunity to find relief through forgetting self, connecting with others, and developing tolerance. To have mental illness, even in these modern times, is like having leprosy in times of old. The shame and stigma associated with having this condition still prevails throughout society, even among the professionals who treat this condition. When one is a pariah within society, one can finally and clearly see how necessary compassion is, how compassion may be lacking, and how one can be more compassionate towards others.

There is more to life than our birth and death. There is also the before-we-were-born and the after-we-die. Take a moment to consider mental illness as an invitation and a means toward rapid growth and enlightenment that has eternal value and infinite worth. Mental illness can be transformed by our will for growth into a blessing. It is not an accident or punishment, but an opportunity.

I want to honor all those who have bravely shouldered the challenges of mental illness. In my practice, my patients are also my teachers. Through my patients I am taught great lessons on each one of the qualities listed above. The patients who have taught me the most are sometimes the ones who have suffered the longest. I have seen them during their most difficult trials, and I have watched them get up and move forward with their lives, quietly and unassumingly. Their humility and perseverance remind me of poignant music that stirs the heart and makes me want to weep, but I don't know why.

I tell them, "You should write about your life," but I know that their lives are indescribable, because there are no words to capture their valor, their private victories. It would be like trying to capture the beauty and fragrance of a rose . . . blossoming on the top of a snow capped mountain in the Himalayas.

Too Many Questions...

2007-10-18T16:42:00.000-05:00

Warning - this is a bit of a rant.

What's wrong with being vulnerable? Where is my angel? Why can't we have integrated health care? Can't the voice of reason also be the voice of passion? Is "sensitive" a life sentence? Who came up with the stupid phrase 'it is never too late'? Wouldn't it be great if someone else could truly "get" us? Where are the people who can help me do market analysis? Why must the journey to self awareness be traveled alone? Where were you when I needed you? Why is growth so painful, so slow? Has anybody ever been in the middle of a big change in their life and said to themselves, wow, this is the best experience ever? Who can sweep me off my feet like Prince Charming? What was the longest day of your life? Where do I go next?

Who Knew?

2007-10-10T18:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Health Watch Center for the following info:

World Mental Health Day is celebrated every year on 10th October. The aim of the world mental health day is to educate the public on relevant issues concerning mental health.
Every year a different theme is set by the world federation for World Mental Health Day.The theme this year is “Mental Health in a changing world: the impact of culture and diversity”.

So, I have to know, how many of you out there (besides Dr. Deb) have heard of this event? Did you notice it being celebrated in various venues - libraries, schools, etc?

World Mental Health Day

2007-10-09T19:47:00.000-05:00

October 10th is World Mental Health Day.

I have a confession to make. When I read the headline, I immediately thought of those who suffer from severe mental illness. I didn't think of the positive - such as the reduction of stigma, the increased availability of treatment, the opportunity to be proactive about our emotional well being...

So I guess I'm not as progressive and "deep" as I had imagined. That is quite the bummer. For if I was thinking such things, surely others were as well.

What does "World Mental Health Day" bring to your mind?

Life Coaches, Personal Coaches, Spiritual Coaches

2007-10-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

Perhaps an offering of my retreat could be coaching. Personally, my exposure to this field is relatively limited - I thought that it was reserved for Hollywood stars and CEOs. A new friend introduced me to this concept last week and it struck me that this might be something that guests would find enjoyable and beneficial.

Have you ever used a "coach" of some variety? What was your experience like? What might be some of the benefits to retreat guests?

"All About Soul"

2007-10-04T21:23:00.000-05:00

You know that song by Billy Joel? If not, check it out. I love it.

Soul is driving this idea. Its what drives me, too.

Welcome Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines!

2007-10-02T21:24:00.001-05:00

A dear friend recommended a specialty program or perhaps a marketing opportunity - service men and women returning from deployment.

This retreat could be an ideal place to reconnect with self, perhaps significant other? It seems appropriate that a discounted rate would be offered.

Military men and women - would you find this retreat of benefit? What aspects in particular might appeal to you?

Going Public...

2007-10-01T21:17:00.000-05:00

St. Louis Post Dispatch, Business Section, Page 4, 28 Sep 07...

This Crazy Idea

No comments received yet from this publicity, but one never knows!

Another Step Forward?

2007-09-27T21:19:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow it is quite possible that this crazy idea will be published...

I am excited to see what happens next. Nervous, too. :-)

I'll link if it happens.

Making it Last

2007-09-26T20:22:00.000-05:00

Ever notice how you can go on a wonderful vacation and within 4 hours of your return you feel like all the relaxation has been undone?

Here are some strategies to make that glow last:

Give yourself an extra day of "vacation" at home prior to returning to your regular activities (work, home duties, etc)
Use your pictures and travel journal to return to those moments and keep them going
As you tell friends and family about the trip, let the feelings of relaxation or excitement or joy wash over you again
If you meditate, imagine yourself back at your vacation spot - smell the fragrances, taste the foods, see the sights
If you collected brochures, class handouts, restaurant napkins...read through them again

I will be the first to admit that in this realm I am not the best at practicing what I preach. Perhaps by sharing with others it will empower me to stick with it. Personally, I need to make it last a year or longer!

What are some parting gifts that could be given at this retreat to help guests stay balanced? What do you think about an "alumni" secure web page for program participants to stay in touch with new friends?

"The Secret"

2007-09-25T16:26:00.000-05:00

I recently read The Secret by Byrne and found it to be quite intriguing. My somewhat scientific mind was piqued by perceived link of human frequencies and waves and the Law of Attraction of quantum physics...

I am beginning to see a link between what is unfolding with my idea and the advice / comments of others as I began this little adventure. It is not the retreat, per se, that is the goal. Rather, the goal is to satisfy the needs of a group of people who currently have limited places to turn (as discussed in so many previous postings). So, I have sent my desire out to the Universe for satisfaction (step 1 of the law of attraction), and I believe that it will happen (step 2). Now I watch, wait, and take action as my intuition guides.

Perhaps "this crazy idea" will take a shape I had not imagined. Maybe I'll take a completely different career path and go into private practice. Maybe I'll partner with an existing university or private institution and provide a specialized curriculum. What do you think it might look like?

My Vacation

2007-09-24T21:12:00.000-05:00

I'm back! My vacation was a big success in different ways. Just as an example, I made friends with a cat - not common for this dog person. Many thanks to Bebe, Katie, and Barbara for sharing your thoughts, time, and for reaching out. My new spa buddies are much appreciated. I hope that you will visit this site often and provide your feedback. Welcome also to Keith, who gave invaluable input at the U.

Lots of folks that I met at the spa were there for reasons that my retreat would be in existence. What are your thoughts on how to differentiate from traditional spas and attract guests?

What to do in the Winter?

2007-09-16T10:30:00.000-05:00

One of the advantages of retreats / spas / resorts on the coasts is that they have either mild weather most of the year, or they have appropriate activities in the winter.

Some of the ways I think this retreat can stay viable in the winter months include "off-peak" rates, cozy fireplaces with huge libraries, warm foods, cross country skiing, bird watching, and more craft and music offerings.

What do you enjoy in the winter months that would be appropriate at the retreat?

Profit or Not-for-Profit - That is the Question!

2007-09-12T07:08:00.000-05:00

I'd like to make it official and name my business and my idea...maybe get some business cards, a website, and the like. Plus, all the expenses I've incurred would have a place on the books. So what should this be?

PROFIT
The potential advantages of being a business for profit include owner control, growth potential (huge), government monies for a WOSB, alliances with strategic businesses and existing providers.... The drawbacks might be higher personal financial risk and following the hotel business model.

NOT-FOR-PROFIT
The main goal of this retreat is to help others, so becoming a philanthropic organization makes sense. Other businesses could contribute to the cause, and the funding sources would be primarily external. Perhaps this would permit a lower cost to guests and therefore open opportunities to guests that might not be able to afford it otherwise. Another plus is the chance for non-threatening affiliation with existing businesses, thereby lowering risk.

What else should be considered? What is your vote - P or NFP?

Time for Serious Research

2007-09-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

I am checking out a bit of the competition next week while I vacation. Six days of relaxation and hard core market research is on the docket. Perhaps I'll even get bold and do some informal surveying of fellow guests...

This spa is located in the Midwest and is highly ranked on several key "lists". The activity schedule for the week look packed and plentiful, so I'll be selecting some events that interest me and go with the flow for the remainder of my time. I am looking forward to checking out the healthy cuisine and the organic gardens. While attempting to uncover secrets of business success, I'm hoping that my mind and body will clear out the last 18 months of stress (since my last vacation).

What should I watch for that will help me with my retreat?

Advisory Board

2007-09-09T10:23:00.000-05:00

I need to recruit an advisory board. Here are some of the characteristics I'm seeking:

Personalities (to balance my weaknesses)

Calm, methodical, and patient
Energetic, action oriented
Charismatic leader
Large, varied network - social, business, political, etc.

Skills

New ventures
Marketing
Fund raising
Team building

Expertise / Position

Hoteling and tourism
Eco-business
Medical professionals - holistic, physical, mental
Academia
Regional leader

To form this group of five or six folks, I was considering an introductory dinner and informal presentation. At the end of the evening would be a request for active participation. My vision of the advisory board would be a two hour meeting monthly and informal reviews and discussions as needed, to start.

Have you been on an advisory board? What sold you on the idea? What was the time commitment? What important characteristics did I miss?

Writer's Block

2007-08-27T20:24:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm not a writer so I'm not sure if I can "legally" say that I have writer's block...

There has been a lot going on in my life. The line between my life and this blog has gotten blurry. I feel as though I'm ready to press forward but the folks who have done this entrepreneurial stuff before (and the ones with the money) say that I am just in the value proposition phase.

Seems crystal clear to me! :-)

I Need a Hero

2007-08-22T20:02:00.000-05:00

That's a song title from the 80s. In a similar vein is the Mariah Carey (aka Fax Machine) song that goes "the hero lies in you"...

I am not referring to Spiderman, Superman, Catwoman or any such thing. I don't need rescuing from a nasty villain threatening my family. Bulky He-Man types need not apply - I'm not crying out from an empty well. My purse is quite securely in my possession.

While having a hunk whisk me away to a tropic island would be VERY cool, I'm looking for something much more subtle and apparently more difficult. I'd like somebody - probably a guy (I have woman issues) - to hold my hand. To let me cry and tell me its all gonna be okay and respect me in the morning.

I am worth respecting.

Support This

2007-08-21T19:19:00.000-05:00

I went to my first support group meeting last week. Imagine my surprise when one of the "facilitators" essentially told me that I should be happy with where I am. Furthermore, I'm one of the lucky ones! And the nail in the proverbial coffin - I will be sick and dealing with this the rest of my life.

Now, I'm a realist with a hint (ha!) of pessimism. But even I believe that I will continue to cycle through these illnesses and I will get better. Knock me down and as soon as I can I'll come back stronger and smarter. Data, medication, and set backs be damned!

Wasted Weekend?

2007-08-19T21:03:00.000-05:00

I had so much planned this weekend. Cleaning, planning my week's food menu, cards to send, fix a strap on a shirt, books to read, business plan to work on, laundry...

What did I actually get done? Played with my dog. Wrote letters. Laundry. Started to learn a new sport, met someone new, hung out with my best friend and her delightful children...

I refuse to allow the fact that the to-do list wasn't completed to ruin the joy of my Sunday nap and journaling. :-)

I have a lot to learn

2007-08-16T19:52:00.000-05:00

Some of the times when I am having a rough day, I think that my friends should reach out to me. And sometimes I ask and they can't for legitimate adult reasons. :-) But I take it ohhhhh so very personally.

Recently I took the initiative. Two out of three times I got burned. The one time I connected with a friend was so meaningful. So uplifting. So helpful.

I must make more of an effort when I can. For me, it might not be about the stigma, but about my fear.

More on Zero Tasking...

2007-08-16T19:32:00.000-05:00

Its time for a vacation! I want to put the zero tasking concept to work. :-) Its been a year and a half since my last one, and I am looking forward to solitude and a reminder to take care of myself.

In researching, I realized that I was looking for my retreat. I found pieces of it all over the place. There are some lovely eco-retreats - but quite rough and somewhat communal in nature. There are tons of spas, very VERY pricey. Some looked fabulous but too stuffy.

I think I'm on to something with this retreat - cause I could sure use it. LOL

Zero Tasking

2007-08-13T20:46:00.000-05:00

I was out surfing today (I live in the Midwest, remember?) and I saw that term: zero tasking. From the world of multi-tasking, the concept of doing nothing is quite intriguing.

For the longest time I couldn't sit still let alone bring my mind to a stop. As I've practiced yoga and meditation the scary gaps have grown into welcome respites. Other moments of zero tasking are the times just before and after a nap...sitting on my chaise listening to the water bubbling on the fountain...watching my dog sun herself on the porch...

Here's to zero tasking! May we all find it, embrace it, and follow where it leads. Getting more done by doing nothing - its bliss.

Ultimatums

2007-08-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

I saw the Bourne Ultimatum movie today. A fan of the books, I am also a fan of Matt Damon. I'm no movie critic, but it was a good flic!

It got me to thinking about what humans do when they feel robbed of their past or backed up against a wall. Each person reacts differently, but wouldn't it be nice if we had a place to safely work through those emotions? I'm not suggesting that Jason Bourne would be a great candidate for my retreat (although a cute addition), but the average Joe or Jane sure would.

We can help prevent some of the crises in our lives by staying in tune with ourselves, thereby avoiding the sense of no way out.

Would you consider taking a yearly vacation at the retreat if you knew it would help you stay healthier?

Staying in Tune

2007-08-10T21:51:00.000-05:00

As I was playing the piano and singing along tonight it got me thinking about exercising our skills to stay sharp - or stay in tune. My apologies to the dog and my neighbors since its been a while! :-)

Mental wellness and emotional health are really no different than staying sharp in voice and piano. Whether we need tea with a dear friend, restorative yoga, a quiet evening in front of the fireplace, or a group therapy session, we have to keep our focus on well being strong.

Data shows our mental health is directly tied to physical health and vice versa. This retreat will provide the opportunity to check in with our integrated system and ensure that we are tuned in with ourselves.

Intellectual Resources

2007-08-09T20:23:00.000-05:00

We've talked a little about some of the programs or opportunities to learn. Some of the experts I'd need to have around include:

Athletic instructors for yoga, gym supervision, Pilates
Naturalists for nature walks, bird watching
Artists for photography, painting
Counselors for journaling, meditation, group therapy, coping skills, etc
Therapists for those choosing to make their stay a personalized treatment
Chef to cook healthy meals that encourage wellness
Guest speakers to bring expertise for certain programs
Me - but what will I do?

I'd like to tap into local universities and willing professionals for some of these roles. Perhaps some meaningful partnerships could be established such as medical students leading a session on natural remedies. Or local psychiatrists/psychologists contracting with the retreat for their patients or weekend seminars on marriage.

What other types of skills will be critical for big time success?

Its Who You Know!

2007-08-08T17:22:00.000-05:00

Time to build the network.

Here are some ways I've thought of to meet the right people and start drawing them into this crazy idea:

Utilize my existing network and schedule lunches to chat; get feedback
Reach out to NAMI, DBSA, and other groups to observe meetings and get to know the organizations
Research other blogs and ask targeted questions
Dust off my coursework on entrepreneurship, writing business plans, etc
Research Dale Carnegie type courses on winning folks over.

What do you have to add? What else should I work on?

Did Ya Miss Me?

2007-08-07T15:41:00.000-05:00

In addition to those who commented on my last post, I'd like to give a hearty THANK YOU to TG and RH. I was having a "moment" and I appreciate the support and even the kick in the pants from the guy at a major university (mostly).

So here is what I've learned in the past few days. In the region I hope to open this retreat, there are an estimated 80,000 folks with severe mental illness. The World Health Organization states that 4 of the top 10 leading causes of disability are mental illness, and the cost of mental illness health care is over $50 billion nationwide. Yes, the B was intentional. Oh, and thanks to NAMI for the data. We must get ahead of the curve and focus on wellness.

I also learned that because of my background I focus too much on data. Go figure. I need, instead, to be developing the key relationships that will bring this concept to fruition. Every one of you that has commented on this site ought to be shakin' in your boots because we have a lot of work to do. Jim, Jenn, Susan - I'm thinking most especially of you.

Finally, I caught on to the concept of separation of church and state (aka me and my idea). I have to be able to accept constructive criticism no matter how much this idea means to me personally. The success of this retreat depends on an outstanding team, a great business plan, and strategic investors. Personal success means that I get to help enrich and grow the lives of others.

Hot Sunny Sunday

2007-08-05T18:32:00.000-05:00

This blog was started to gather ideas and information about a crazy idea.

Well, it seems that recent feedback has shown that it is a crazy idea, and a dumb one too.

Goodbye all!

Living in the Moment

2007-08-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

When I spend time my goddaughter and her two brothers, its amazing how quickly I come into their "space". Its easy to be with them. They have an uncanny way of sucking me out of a funk and into the fun of playing, running, talking, and (sometimes) playing with food. :-) They know how I'm feeling even when the adults don't. They tell me they love me just when I must hear it. In a similar way, my family says that I have a special touch with my nephew, who is 7 months old. I think its because I can stay in the moment with him, even if he is turning red from screaming. I've done that myself a few times and I really know exactly how he feels.

I'm getting better about living in the moment and not worrying (as much). Unfortunately this can also mean that I might have to spend quite a while being miserable. Staying present with feelings includes the good ones and the bad ones. The swing blog yesterday was just as much about being childlike and present as it was about the nasty cycle of moods - forward and back, up and down. My mood swings have not been rhythmic nor have I found my underdog for a push...

Who is your underdog?

How Long Has it Been?

2007-08-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

I haven't been on a swing for a long time - probably years. I remember the delicious feel of the breeze on my toes and face and my long hair whipping back, caressed. And on the pump the whoosh in my ears and the tiny moment of zero gravity, loss of control... Did you ever do an "underdog" push for a friend? Those were the best! I loved the tire swing too, the kind where you could spin yourself sick. (Not that it ever happened to me 'cause gymnasts can flip and twist and turn forever, right Nellie?)

I miss that smooth rhythm, that even cadence that could lull me into a trance. I miss leaning back in swing while holding on tight and letting my hair sweep the ground. I wonder if I could still "jump" from the upswing and not break a bone. LOL

Inspiration and Unhappiness

2007-08-01T19:12:00.000-05:00

"Why does my Muse only speak
when she is unhappy?
She does not, I only listen when I
am unhappy
When I am happy I live and despise
writing
For my Muse this cannot but be
dispiriting." ~Stevie Smith

There are lots of anecdotes that describe how "madness" leads to amazing creativity and huge contributions to society. My Muse is not writing or painting or even music (although I enjoy the piano)...it has indeed become this retreat.

Let's Talk Another Kind of Green

2007-07-31T19:58:00.000-05:00

Moolah, cold hard cash, dinero...you get the idea.

There are some unanswered questions about this retreat. Profit or not-for-profit? Affiliated with a medical establishment or spa or not? How big? When? What will my role be, if any?

How in the world can I raise the money to make this happen? There are "angels", there are elevator speeches. Maybe I can establish a value partnership with other individual(s) or companies. Perhaps multiple phases - first a day / program kind of space, then adding the hotel facilities, and maybe even adding medical care facilities...

I am meeting with some folks to help me figure this out. What are your thoughts?

Are You an Ecosexual?

2007-07-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine shared an article from NewsMax.com on 19 July and the topic was dating "ecosexuals". There are many suggestions on how to date your fellow eco friendly friends, but that's not our focus here (at least not today!).

What I found interesting is that green has gone beyond the boardroom, the UN meeting, Al Gore...and pervaded our culture to a new level. A friend used to call me Granola so I am pleased with these new findings. :-)

How can this retreat be green? Here are some of my ideas:

Organic gardening in season to support the healthy dining experience
Bamboo bedding and linens, organic, low-impact dyes
Woods, furniture, and paper goods from sustainable forests
Non-traditional lighting to save energy
Organic (and local?) cosmetic and food products
Energy efficient building design - considering solar, thermo, and the like
Phosphate -free detergents and eco-friendly cleaning products.

What would you like to add?

Size Does Matter

2007-07-29T21:04:00.000-05:00

Ha! I knew that would get your attention. :-)

Lets pretend that I have done the market analysis and determined what the market can bear for this concept from a regional perspective. Lets also assume that you personally would like to attend the retreat. Furthermore, we'll say that it shall have the amenities described in my dream sequence...

How many guests would you like to share this experience with? Meaning, how many folks around you in classes, the dining room, the nature trail, etc...

Ten? Fifty? One hundred?

Collaboration

2007-07-28T15:04:00.000-05:00

A common expression in the business world is "its not what you know, but who you know". I've been contemplating that phrase and perhaps a way to get this retreat off the ground is a phased approach in partnership with existing companies / facilities.

There are some places in the US that are already well known for their outstanding resort or psychiatric care. Perhaps by working together with Miraval, Sierra Tucson, The Menninger Clinic, or Austen Riggs, some of the infrastructure and start-up capital could be leveraged.

Building the retreat in phases would allow for a managed growth approach. Starting with a day facility offering programs and healthy eating, then adding the "hotel" or resort aspect could minimize risk. Developing alliances with local universities, spas, fitness professionals, and individual life coaches and therapists could provide a base minimum capacity to ensure success.

What are some of the favorite spas, resorts, retreats, and medical facilities you have experienced? Which would you recommend for partnership and why?

If I were at my retreat...

2007-07-23T20:59:00.000-05:00

Right now I would be taking in some quiet time in my room. I'd be journaling and listening to some of my favorite music. I'd probably be soaking up some fabulous breathing in a yoga class and letting my eyes enjoy the peace of the trees swaying ever so gently in the breeze...

The Plateau

2007-07-22T14:56:00.000-05:00

In sports, in careers, and performance of other varieties, we can reach a time where it seems that the status quo remains constant for quite some time. While I'm not always the most fantastic at dealing with change, as it turns out plateau isn't my favorite either...

So as I have puttered about this weekend, my dreams have become more vivid while my daily life more mundane. It appears that my energy is going into fantasy rather than reality.

Hmmm.

TGIF

2007-07-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

I feel obligated to write something every day, to ensure that this retreat doesn't lose steam. Today I want to celebrate a beautiful day.

It was nice outside, the sun was shining, the humidity bearable. I enjoyed a nice glass of wine overlooking the country club's 18th hole. I don't golf, but it looked like a nice past time from that view. I saw an acquaintance who amazingly recognized me. It felt like the world wasn't quite as big and overwhelming.

What makes your world feel cozy? A pet, perhaps? A loved one? A great book...

I need a vacation...

2007-07-19T20:08:00.000-05:00

...from work, where the politics are getting in the way of doing excellent work.

...from a guy that said he had enough of "crazy" when we were together, and another guy with no feelings.

...from my silly dog, who is whining almost incessantly.

...from the medical bills.

...from myself?

Empowerment

2007-07-18T16:57:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine used to always tell me that "knowing is half the battle" - and it infuriated me. Knowing is the easy part for me most of the time, its the planning and execution that provides a more-than-50% challenge.

As I go along I'm learning that my friend was right when it comes to health and wellness. Each of us has a different path, but by sharing our experiences with others we can give one another the equivalent of a "boost" on the playground. :-)

Whether our challenge is cancer, better fitness, realizing a dream, or saying goodbye to a parent with Alzheimer's, the road is less rocky when shared. And the people we meet and what we learn together at a retreat such as the one in my dream empower us to be stronger and smarter!

What is your current challenge and how would you empower others in a similar situation?

Questioning the Validity...

2007-07-17T20:06:00.000-05:00

Is this concept a valid one? Is this retreat merely a manic moment? Is it a fool's errand?

I hope that the concept is valid and that the answer to the other questions is a resounding no!

What do you think? Am I wearing a pair of rose colored glasses?

JCPenney's Commercial

2007-07-16T19:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, I have seen it about 500 times now (and I don't watch that much TV). Its the one with the grade school girl hiding her crush on a boy and these hearts keep appearing with their initials in the middle...eventually he draws the same and...they give each other bedroom eyes. Then appears "There has never been a better time" and the JCP logo. What the?

You may be asking, okay, what does that have to do with the retreat? Its a stretch, but my angel and I have been in this spot, and I don't know what will happen to my idea now...

Marketing

2007-07-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

True statement - I am not skilled in marketing. I need some help from those who are. :-)

Guests will come to the retreat from several channels:

Primary care physicians
Therapists
Family / loved ones
Vacation
Other - spiritual, service

and their objectives will most likely be healing or learning, or growth / reflection.

Brainstorming some of the options to advertise and draw, here is a starting list...

Participate in wellness fairs
Website
"Open Houses" for medical professionals and caregivers
Advertisements in Body & Soul, Real Simple, Psychology Today et al
Targeted marketing for programs such as grieving, new moms, eco-vacations

What are your ideas?

Cultural, Religious, and Family Differences

2007-07-14T08:47:00.000-05:00

I was thinking yesterday about how different families and cultures handle "crisis" events in their lives. I definitely need some education in this arena and would like to broaden my mind. We are all humans, but we each bring our own view to our challenging situations.

Some events that I'm curious about are loss of a loved one; divorce; helping family members with chronic illness, and other big changes in life.

Be bold, be brave (and be anonymous if you'd like)! What is your cultural / religious / family heritage and how do you handle major events?

Books, Books, and More Books

2007-07-13T15:53:00.000-05:00

Have you ever become spellbound by a book? Maybe the amazing pictures of a photo book suck you in to another world, another place. Perhaps a twisty plot surplants itself in your mind. Sometimes my latest read is an attempt to escape the ordinary doldrums of life, and sometimes I'm reading for education. More often then not, I am reading to seek beauty.

Beauty comes to us in so many forms - here are a few of my favorites:

A passionate tear on a dear friend's face
Laying on my back by the creek (pronounced crick - ha!) and watching clouds float past
The faces of a newly engaged couple
Voices raised together in choir that melt the soul
Baby giggles
Nature in any form

So to bring as much a variety of beauty as possible, I think that this retreat must have a lovely library...chuck full of books.

What are some of the books that you have found to be beautiful?

Isn't it Ironic?

2007-07-12T09:29:00.000-05:00

Have you heard that song by Alanis Morrissette? Its very descriptive of the past few days. I had a great conversation about my business model, followed by an upset stomach. I've never felt so strongly that this retreat must go through. On the inside I am suffering from confusion, but no one can tell. I am an amazing actress apparently... :-)

I wear a ring that has several images - a giant oak, a rainbow, a sun, a horse, clouds, an eye, a beaming heart. It reminds me to be strong. To cling to faith and spirit, and to know that knowledge and vision will come.

Right?

2007-07-11T08:36:00.000-05:00

Motives

2007-07-09T19:46:00.000-05:00

After seeing Die Hard 16 over the weekend, I can't help but think about motives. There are quite a few reasons I'd like to see this retreat idea come to pass. I'd like to help those who have suffered and been humiliated in a psychiatric facility when it wasn't necessary. Families and individuals could benefit from a mental wellness vacation. We could be proactive about our wellness. I'd like to show that good business can be done in an eco-friendly way. As the success spreads, the stigma begins to dissipate.

But there are selfish reasons as well. I think that creating and participating in this open environment will be healthy for me. The energy going into this is positive, and I'm meeting new people.

What a blessing!

A Dreamy Sunday

2007-07-08T09:51:00.000-05:00

I have heard that if you write down your dreams, your visions, it can become a driving force for it to reach fruition. In the next few paragraphs I will spill my crazy idea. Be warned...this may be one of my longer posts! :-)

Entering the retreat I drive down a winding road through forest. At the gate I am welcomed by a friendly voice. Walking in the main building I notice vaulted ceilings, a sense of spacious grace, simple but welcoming furnishings. People are milling about or quietly reading. Windows to the beautiful outdoors abound and the air smells fresh from all of the fantastic plants indoors and out.

As I walk the grounds I notice beautiful landscaping that blends effortlessly into the forest. There are benches, small gazebos, and trickling waterfalls all over. Guests are walking, jogging, taking pictures, meditating, and journaling. Some are chatting in pairs or small groups. A small group passes me with binoculars learning about bird species and their calls.

Getting settled in my room I notice that there is a sense of serenity in the light, the bed, the settee. I can stay connected to the outside world via high speed Internet or I can enjoy my space with my own music. Each day I am welcomed to many opportunities with a program of learning or relaxing or growing. A leaflet describes the anticipated weather, menu, and activities in case I am interested.

Selecting a group on meditation for relaxation I note that my instructor is warm and open minded, accommodating the needs of all in the room. My fellow guests share their experiences and I begin to open up and relate. I meet someone that I share interests with and so we share a lunch together. Our meal is a healthy, delicious accompaniment to our conversation. Together we soak up words, energy, and the lovely view.

The afternoon brings my session with my therapist, where we review my journal and remaining concerns. We discuss how to make the most of my stay - which is, in short, to live in the moment. I go to a restorative yoga class to further deepen my connection with self and the energy around me. In the evening I pass by the lounge and notice that folks are gathered playing board and card games, enjoying a drink, and one guest is playing a guitar. Sitting by the fire I listen in on conversations and participate in some...

Relaxing before bed I reflect on the day, breathe deeply and look forward to what comes next!

Not so crazy after all...

2007-07-06T15:26:00.000-05:00

Thanks in part to your feedback, I am learning that the time has come.

So now I am beginning to get nervous, to get excited about the whole proposition. All of the fabulous "what ifs?" are running through my brain.

My next step is to put some numbers in a business plan and run it by some great minds. Any volunteers?

I also need an "angel" - again, any volunteers? :-)

Retreat Facilities

2007-07-05T19:29:00.000-05:00

Here are some of my thoughts on what would be the necessities and desirables at the retreat...

Walking trails
Fitness center
Outdoor water features and reflection spots
Lounges for reading, chatting, journaling
Cafe and cooking school area
"Classrooms"
Lecture hall
Private rooms and baths with patios or decks
Library

What would you add? What do you think is unnecessary or frivolous?

Happy Birthday America!

2007-07-04T08:15:00.000-05:00

Today I count my blessings, and I thank those who serve our country.