Feelings, Actions, and Characters - Oh My!

How do you know when the way you feel is based upon a "real" interpretation of an experience or if it is colored by your mental illness?

If I take that thought a bit further, what does it mean if you act upon those feelings? Are the actions real or some representation of true self?

As time goes on, and you develop behaviors based on these feelings, does this become your character?

Can reflection, therapy, etc. get you back to your true character?

It Has Been A While

Its been a while since I felt engaged at work, since I felt confident in my body, since my mother called me.

Its been a while since I drove a fun sexy car. Its been a while since my doggie really jumped and bounced around. Its been a while since someone told me I was beautiful.

Its been a while since I was married. It has been a while since I went to church. Its been a while since I played the piano.

What haven't you felt or done in a while? How does it make you feel?

KISS - Keep it Simple (Stupid)

I need more kisses - the traditional kind and the application of simplicity in life.

My grandma reminds me every Sunday when we talk on the phone that the world is getting too wrapped up in itself. That we all need more time rocking on the porch, drinking a root beer and chatting it up with our neighbors over the hedge. She's on to something...

Many of us are "linked" electronically all over the place - crackberries, cell phones, Internet, blogs, and IM. But are we connected emotionally? Physically? Do we share energy or just electrons?

The price I pay is a sense of being in my own little world - which leads to loneliness. It's just too easy to type a note rather than stop by. But the hard way is more rewarding for my spirit.

The Waiting Game

Patience is not my strong suit. Most of my dad's side of the family is completely lacking in the skill. :-)

Lately, I've had to wait for a man to be ready to date me, for test results regarding a tumor (negative, thank you), and I'm still waiting to find out if I landed a new job...

Those who are wise and possess patience tell me that eventually I'll learn. Over time, I'll mellow and cease to fuss over the little stuff. (Apparently it's all little stuff). My parents knew this trait of me at a very young age. They gave me a painted "prayer rock". It said "God grant me patience - and I want it NOW!". I'm still waiting...

Without delving into a psych class, I think patience and anxiety are related. Do you agree?

Deconfliction

Lately I've been noticing in the public news as well as bloggerland that the "concensus" seems to be that depression and allowing our mental illnesses to exist and progress without drug interference is the way to go. (Obviously this cannot apply in cases of harm to others / self). We should use therapy, yoga, healthy eating, exercise, counceling from pastors / priests, and the like.

At the same time, however, we are told and taught to be self reliant, independent, and strong.

Riddle me this - how in the world does one take six months to recover from depression or whatever malady one might have? If you are the breadwinner, and others are dependent upon you, can you afford to cry or mope your way through 8 hours everyday? Most likely your performance would suffer and you would be fired. Let's assume that you are not the breadwinner; perhaps you are the caregiver to children or family. How can you effectively guide, teach or care in a compromised mental state?

I agree in concept that it is best to take time to work through our challenges. For many folks, however, it's not an option - unless state care sounds good.

Can these opposing requirements / expectations be deconflicted?

"Agency" - and not because you are a star!

I continue to be inspired by the writing of others. It is interesting to me how a word can have new meanings based on the context.

Dr. Jon Allen of the Menninger Clinic (www.menningerclinic.com) writes about Agency in regards to taking charge and responsibility for mental illness. Rather than riding the curve of medications or doing what the state or friends or doctors tell you to do, you decide to be in charge of your future. You select what treatments are meaningful, you are patient with yourself and your caregivers, you put as much energy as possible into your recovery. Interestingly enough, sometimes you don't have enough power or awareness to exercise agency. And so you wait until the time comes.

My forms of agency are yoga, acupuncture, support of friends, an active career, meditation, therapy, and journaling. What is your agency?

CNN Article on the Mind

A study of 222 women (why no men?) showed that we will adapt our behavior in order to "fit in". This includes things that were objectively incorrect, just so that we could be along with the majority.

I'm not sure we needed a study to figure this out. Anyone who has been involved in politics, seen 5 year olds decide what game to play, or flipped through a fashion magazine can draw the same conclusion.

Of interest to me was the fact that portions of the brain that reacted in these peer pressure situations were fear and anxiety. Dr. Gregory Burns says that "our brains are exquisitely turned to what other people think about us...."

Is this perhaps the root of stigma?